To boost a child's self-esteem, it is not enough to say "you are great and the most handsome in the world." More effective strategies are required. We explain how to achieve it without making common mistakes.
Self-esteem refers to the way we see ourselves and how we believe others see us. This perception is influenced by our environment and, especially, by our caregivers. Each message given or not given, each interaction and experience lived in early childhood are key to the construction of this dimension.
That is, self-esteem is not built only with our perceptions, but the influence of our parents, siblings, teachers and friends is also decisive. And let's be clear about one aspect: it is easier to develop it in a child than to have to repair it in an adult.
A study from the University of California tells us something important; The family environment can sometimes be so complex that a child's self-esteem can be affected by numerous factors, such as the presence of a psychological disorder in the parents.
On the other hand, we cannot ignore those ways in which parents damage their children's self-esteem without knowing it. We analyze them.
1. Not giving them responsibilities appropriate to their age
Overprotection is an obstacle to the correct development of children's self-esteem. It is important to remember that if there is something a child needs, it is to feel competent and to achieve this, there is nothing better than offering her responsibilities appropriate to her age.
If you grow up assuming that there will always be someone willing to make your life easier and solve your problems, sooner or later you will come face to face with reality.
On the other hand, the child who discovers early that he is capable of doing multiple tasks on his own effectively establishes self-efficacy, as indicated by a study published in Frontiers in Education.
How to do it better?
Every day multiple opportunities open up for children to learn to be more autonomous. Let's encourage them and trust them, in their worth and their abilities, according to their age.
2. Prevent them from making mistakes
There are dads and moms who spend part of their lives acting as heroes to the rescue of their children. They prevent falls, mistakes, failures and disappointments. Making mistakes and making the mental effort to resolve that incident gives every child a valuable opportunity for growth.
Self-esteem is also born in each adversity overcome, something that a child can learn from the simplest and most innocent experiences.
How to do it better?
Although it is a priority to save the safety and well-being of the child, there are experiences that they must go through on their own. Maybe, and just as an example, not reminding him that he left the ball at home before going to play in the park will make him take responsibility for his things next time without having to depend so much on mom or dad.
3. Abuse positive reinforcement
There are parents who describe everything their children do as extraordinary, telling them that they are great, the best in the world and the most intelligent.
It may be the case that our son shows us a drawing that he is aware is not his best work. If mom and dad tell him that he is “wonderful,” he will know that it is not true. Thus, it is difficult for him to feel motivated to improve, since his parents seem to find whatever he does fascinating.
How to do it better?
Any reinforcement given to a child must be sincere, easy to understand and pedagogical. If we want to improve our child's self-esteem, it will always be better to say "I'm proud of how he has worked hard for you" than to say "you do everything well because you are the most handsome boy in the world."
4. Educate in perfection
Educating in perfection is educating in anxiety and the perception that one never lives up to what is asked of them. Every parent wants their children to be successful. However, above exceptional achievement is happiness, enjoying childhood and not ending up developing unhealthy self-demand from an early age.
A research published in the Reflection and Educational Research Magazine shows that children with maladaptive perfectionism almost always present weak and fragmented self-esteem.
How to do it
It is positive to establish goals and purposes for our children, milestones in which they must strive. This promotes their maturity and responsibility. However, these objectives must be realistic, agreed upon with our own children and also motivating for them.
Allowing mistakes, avoiding excessive and disproportionate praise, and assigning them responsibilities appropriate to their age are key aspects to fostering healthy self-esteem in our children.
This balanced approach will give them the tools necessary to develop self-confidence and face life's challenges with resilience and self-acceptance.